Killing the Messengers: the IU Media Challenge

It appears the good folks in IU Media Relations misunderstood my suggestion that press credentials be issued based on the results of a hot dog eating contest.  Instead, they decided to take 25 members of the IU basketball media and subject them to "Survivor-Crean and Crimson Media Challenge." 


While it's clear to this observer that by naming this a "survivor challenge," athletics implicitly intends for a majority of the participants not to survive.  Nonetheless, willing participants lined up at the chance to have Je'Ney Jackson kick their ass and humiliate them in front of their peers. 
So, let's take a look at the events, handicap the participants, and vote on the most likely outcomes. 



Editor's Note- injured participants should not hesitate to take full advantage of the mystical healing powers of Cook Hall's hot tub after the competition.  Lest any of you forget, Tijan soaked his balls in it. 


12:30 WELCOME
12:45 WARM UP
12:55 TESTING
• ¾ COURT SPRINT
• VERTICAL JUMP
• CORE STRENGTH
• BENCH PRESS 185# or 95#
1:15 AGILITIES
• 5-10-5
• CONE DRILLS
1:30 STRENGTH CIRCUIT
1:50 STADIUM STAIRS
2:15 OBSTACLE COURSE
• TIRE FLIPS
• BOARD PUSH
• SLED PULL
• FARMER’S WALK
• SLED PUSH
2:30 YOGA
2:45 Awards






Point Guards
Dustin Dopirak Herald Times M, M
Greg Rosenstein IDS M,M
Pete Diprimio Ft. Wayne NS M,M
Rick Pizzo BTN L,L
Ann Marie Tiernon WTHR-TV M, S


Shooting Guards
Dave Furst WRTV XL, XL
Lamond Pope Ft. Wayne JG L, L
JMV 1070 The Fan XL, L
Lynn Houser Herald Times L,L
Nathan Hart IDS M, M


Small Forwards
Jeremy Gray Tom Crean Show XL, L
Chris Widlic WISH TV L, L
Courtney Cronin IUSTV M, M
Kent Sterling Kent Sterling.com L, M
Hugh Kellenberger Herald Times XL, L


Power Forwards
Chris Hagan WXIN-TV XL, XL
Ken Bikoff Inside Indiana XXXL, XXXL
Brooke Oak IU Athletics S, S
Ryan Winn IDS L, L
Jeff Rabjohns Indy Star XL, L


Centers
Terry Hutchens Indy Star XXL, XXL
Mike Pegram Peegs.com XL,L
Casey Richards IUSTV M, M
Rick Bozich Courier Journal XXL, XL
Pat Forde ESPN.com XL, L


Head Coach
J.D. Campbell IU Athletics XXL, XL

Which Team is Least Likely to Lose

# of Participants Requiring Medical Attention

Who Uses the Most Immunity Passes?

What's the REAL purpose for this event?